Thursday, June 30, 2005

Weigh In Day

Good Morning Everyone,

Well I am sure you have seen a few changes in my blog and a few more to come. My great news for today is that I have lost another 0.5kg. YAY!!! Thats 11.4kg loss in 6 weeks. I am quite impressed with myself.

Another great loss is that Elliott also lost 0.5kg this week. He is getting so much better and so more determined to eat healthier so he can lose weight. I think I am actually motivating him to lose weight too. Who would have thought??? He talks about his reward when he reaches his goal weight as well. All good signs he will keep on track I think.

I have been a bit out of whack the last few days. I have had the root canal treatment done and this dentist said he had to start from scratch again as it wasnt done very well :(
Oh well, at least I wont lose my tooth. I had it done yesterday and today it is still a bit sore. Hope that goes soon.

The last couple of days I have been bulking up my points the last minute before bed. I just dont feel hungry through the day so much. Perhaps it has been due to the pain I have had :( So I am going to try and incorporate at least 2 snacks each day. Maybe some toast and low joule jam would be the way to go. Team it up with a cuppa. Sounds nice actually. So thats on my To Do list lol.

Well just a short one for now, I am going to get into the housework. Dont you just love it lol.

Take care and stay focused.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Feeling much better!!!

Well, yesterday I actually fell asleep after many trips to the toilet. I woke when Elliott was knocking on the back door to get inside. He told me I looked shocking. Dont you love compliments lol. I took things easy as I was still a little woosy. But as the afternoon progressed I felt better and better. I ended up feeling so hungry I think my eyes were bigger then my belly. I went to the freezer and got out some beans and corn etc and cooked that up. I also got out TWO pieces of chicken breast. I dont think I have ever eaten two at one sitting. But last night I was STARVING. I only hada total of 22.5 points for the day so at least that is one good thing.

I got am email from Terri my WW@Home leader. I really feel motivated after her letters.

Last night I put some veges and chicken into the hotpot and this morning the house is filled with lovely home cooked smells I remember from childhood. Isnt it nice to smell chicken cooking. I am about to make up some instant potato to add to the hotpot I made. Well what I mean is I am making up single serves of it so that my DP can take it to work. It works out to be about 6 points per serve. Just depends on how many meals I can stretch it. 6 Points might seem a lot, but before Elliott would buy a Pastie, Coke, Raspberry Slice, Cherry Ripe and something else. Not good on points, or our savings. We tried buying the WW Frozen Meals, but we didnt like a lot of them and some of them were high in points and low in quantity. So if you are like me and like to have a satisfying meal you are probably best off making something like me and freezing it for later.

My home cooked meals have been a godsend. I can pull one out if I dont feel like cooking and Ell can take them to work. I went to Crazy Clarkes and bought a heap of containers to make up some meals. They didnt have a wrapper so the guy sold them all to me for a total of $2 WOOHOO. What a bargain!! I think I have about 15 all up. Enough to make a few different meals and I can top them up each week with something new so we dont get bored with the same thing all the time.

I have decided to make another link for my recipes and other food hints I have for myself. I have been searching through heaps of blogs and journals looking for similar thing so I am guessing there are a few people out there who would like to know the same. So while it might take me a while to compile, it will be up and running soon. Will let you know when.

This part of my Blog is in limbo at the moment, so I do appologise for the layout. I am trying to work it all out. I have had heaps of compliments on it so far so thank you all, you know who you are.

I have seen in other blogs people listing down their daily intake. I am thinking of doing something similar, but doing it on a weekly basis.

I am concentrating on sugar points at the moment. Trying to cut back. My downfall is Nestle coffee, Nutella and the odd chocolate and Icecream. Another lady has told me about making my own sugar free Nutella so I am going to give it a try this week. Will let you know how it goes.

I think I have said enough for one day, well at least for now.

Take care and stay focused.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Dizziness and vomiting

Oh woe is me lol.

Since my last post I got up off my fitball and nearly went A over T. My head was spinning and all of a sudden I feel like being sick. I run to the bathroom clinging to the walls along the way. Seb is looking at me in the ensuite. So there I am looking into the toilet bowl deciding I need to clean it all while I am on the verge of being sick.

So I am wondering if I need to have something else to eat. Sometimes I can feel a little light headed if I havent eaten, but today I have already had 4 pieces of toast and had a cuppa. So that has me wondering. What if this is morning sickness? I honestly doubt it, but it is a possibility. I put it down to my sore ear and guess I still have my ear infection which is causing an imbalance with my inner ear.

So I have my towels in the washing machine ready to hang out but now a little scared to actually hang it out. I would hate to be out the back, and looking up to hang the washing and then me getting dizzy and actually falling over. What if I hurt myself and not be able to get back inside to get to Sebastian??

I tried lying down and closing my eyes, but what a mistake that was. Another trip to the toilet. :( I have been going really well and now this. I hope it goes soon. So until Ell gets home I think I will take things easy. I seem to be able to sit here and type, but just trying to watch the tv gets my tummy moving. Must be seeing all the movement.

Now, I wonder if I should ring for a doctors appointment?? Just to be on the safe side. Maybe I need antibiotics for my ear.

Well, I will update later and let you all know what is going on.

Take care

Not gonna give up!!!

Well yesterday I could have easily, and I mean very easily given up. I had a headache, toothache and earache all on my right side. My right knee was and still is playing up as well. I felt miserable and all I wanted was comfort food.

I pictured myself sitting infront of the telly, munching on KFC, cheesecake, anything really, as long as I didnt have to cook it. I felt so sorry for myself. Even poor Sebastian didnt get as many cuddles from me yesterday, and no blowing raspberries on his little tum either. It just hurt way to much to even think about it.

Yesterday was also the first full day of not having my DSDs here. And Elliott wanted special cuddles even more. Did he not see I was in pain??? After he finally realised (late last night when he read my post in the WW forum) I was in pain and what I felt like doing, he decided to leave me alone and go to bed.

I was so so close to telling him to go and buy some KFC etc, but I didnt. For that I am proud of myself and very thankful. I went to our freezer and pulled out a couple of frozen meals I had made, teamed it up with some beans and corn and there was our dinner. Elliott had the Chicken Hotpot and I had the Beef. Hmmm that reminds me, I need to make some more. I could only find 6 meals left. I make them up for Elliott to take to work. He is trying so hard to follow the points with me and having him full at work stops him buying point laden treats from the pie van that visits.

With my tooth being sore I have been eating soft food. I have found if I chew on my meal more, I feel fuller. I incorporate corn into nearly every main meal due to this. Chewing on a cob of corn is so yummy and it makes me feel fuller. I often have one for lunch as well.

I have been reading heaps of blogs about peoples adventures while slimming. I am amazed at how everyone wants to run. I have never really thought about running myself. But, having said that, I have never been a size to actually run. I might need to reassess my fitness when I lose more weight. I used to enjoy walking, and I loved Body Combat, but for now I am limited with my exercise. I will sit on my fit ball and bounce around.

I am feeling a bit lost at the moment, here it is Monday morning and I had planned on cleaning the house top to bottom and my tooth is still so sore I couldnt be bothered. I need to wash some towels though. My DSDs used about 4 a day and they were lost in their rooms until I found them last night. When they are here for some reason Ell leaves his towel on the floor too. Hmmm will have to keep an eye on that and make sure it doesnt continue. He is usually really really good with that type of thing.

As you will have noticed, my blog is going all skew wiff. My profile doesnt start until the end of my first post. Not sure what the go is with that. I have been trying to work it out but cant for the life of me. So if you are reading this and know what I need to do please please let me know.
I have so many ideas I want to try with this blog but sadly I dont have the know how. Anyone know how to do a table?

My dentist appointment is today, but I am unsure if I should go. I was in the middle of root canal treatment until we moved town. When I got here I rang up to get an appointment and the waiting list was almost 2 months long YIKES!! So I have been waiting a long time, and I am hoping that I dont need the tooth pulled now. Thats why I chose to have the treatment done. I dont want another tooth to leave my mouth. Who will help me chew on those lovely rare steaks???

I am actually wondering if I have my top right wisdom tooth. There is pain in the area as well. My teeth are going all out of whack as well, not that you would notice to look at me. But when I bite down my teeth no longer match up. So I am going to ask if braces are necessary as I want lovely straight teeth for when I am sexy and skinny.

I am a bit annoyed at Ell this morning :( He woke me up early when he was leaving to go to work. He wanted a special cuddle. MEN!! And I woke up to him kissing me and nudging my right side of my face OUCH!!!! I was not happy. So he left for work and Seb woke up so I have been up for ages and still nothing to eat. I just couldnt be bothered with the pain in my mouth.

Oh dont I sound like a bear with a sore tooth lol. Well I am going to get my butt into gear and do some washing and try not to feel sorry for myself.

Take care and stay focused.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Happy Birthday Elliott!!!!

Well today is my darlings birthday. And what does he want for his birthday cake??? Well as usual he wants a Pavlova. He loves them. At one stage I was making a 12 egg Pavlova 3 times a week all with whipped cream and strawberries. So since he is being a sweetie and trying to watch his waistline and watch his points he asked me to make it as low point as possible.

So I whipped up 12 eggwhites with some Splenda and folded in a bit of cornflour. 1 Point so far
Then after it was cooked I covered it with Low Fat Fruche 2.5 points, 3.5 points so far.
This is where we really lashed out. I crumbled some Flake and sprinkled over it. 6.5 points for the whole Pavlova.

I stuck a single candle in it and everyone was very happy. WOOHOO I even had some as a treat.

I haven't been in the mood to write in my journal the last few days. I have been having problems with my Step Daughters. I should have expected it but I completely let it slip my mind. You see they go to their Mums in the morning so a couple of days before they go home they really play up. And boy do I mean play up. Between DSD2 and me it was WW3. But, I can happily say I won and I am now the owner of some pretty decent toys (until she settles down and realises I mean business). And DSD2 now knows what it is like to sit on a chair for 9 hours. Yes, 9 hours. I felt like going to the chocolates I keep here as treats and eat them all but I refrained from eating at all. I got online and posted in a few forums and basically just chilled out. There is no Super Nanny here but I think she learnt her lesson. She gave me a hug and appoligised.

When Elliott got home and I was able to settle myself down I had something to eat. I was sooooo proud of myself as this was the most stressed I had been in the 5 weeks I have been doing WW. I think the thing that actually kept me going and not throw the towel in and pig out was that I had weighed in early in the morning and even took a picture of my weight. I had now lost 10.9kg in 5 weeks. Late last night Ell came out and handed me 10kg off his weights. I burst into tears. I couldn't believe I had been carrying around that much weight. I am still struggling with my knees and here I am 10.9kg lighter.

So I really thought today DSD2 would be good. But I was wrong AGAIN. I asked them to be quiet in the lounge room this morning as Sebastian was trying to sleep but they kept him awake all morning. He finally got to sleep just after 12pm. They both played up so they lost their cooking activity. They are both sick with the croup and Sebastian has it as well. I have an ear ache too :( But I expect them to be naughty to a degree. Two girls, 7 & 9, sick, trying to do the same thing with the same pen etc, sharing goes out the window. But we will go on.

We are having a Garage Sale on the weekend. Oh what fun. Finally I might get my house back. We have only just moved here and have run out of room. We moved towns so my left over stock from my business needs to be sold as well. So it is EVERYWHERE and I hate it. I feel totally useless as I cant lift things around etc so it gets left to poor Elliott who has lots of pain from a car accident a couple of years back. Good pair we make lol.

Well I guess I have made up for my absence.

Take care and stay focused.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

What are these feelings???

This is getting weird. Not that my DP minds lol. The last week has seen my libido increase, quite dramatically.

DP can see me getting back to the old me. He is looking forward to me getting to goal as well now lol.

Now not only must I think before I eat and talk about myself I need to think what I am doing and what DP is doing to make sure we dont have another bubba on the way just yet. Mind you all said and done I would love another bubba, but my health suffered greatly last time and my bubba. We were lucky to make it. I dont fancy another month in hospital it was terrible.

I must resist tasting food when I am making it for the kids. I really need to focus on this. I add the points into my tracker to keep tabs on myself. I dont want to eat 10 points in tasting the kids food. Imagine what I will be like when bub gets on solids. I hope I am not going to be finishing off his meals like many of my friends have done before.

I have found the best investment I have made in the last few months is a food steamer. I was looking at getting an electric steamer for bubs bottles but found a great one that does food. I make all our veges in it and they are WONDERFUL. You actually taste the flavour in the vegetables. Not only did I save almost $60 by buying a food steamer, I am now experiencing great flavoursome food and able to sterilise bubs bottles as well. It is saving me heaps of time as well. I prepare the veges in the afternoon and able to go out etc and when I get home I flick a switch and 20mins later I have fresh steamed veges. Just need to grill some fish, pork or chicken and have a nutritious filling meal.

I would like to thank everyone for their kind comments as I appreciate your input very much. I would also like to let everyone know about another great site called Slimming For Life. I have found the site very inspirational and a great motivator. Have a look at my links to go to the site.
I am weighing in tomorrow morning, so fingers crossed. I have been going well this week. Just need to work on those damn sugar points. One step at a time. Stay focused!!!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Tuesday 21 June 2005

Hello Everyone,

Well I feel a little lost and overwhelmed the last few days. We have been having problems with our car and now the gearbox is losing its gears. I am worried what we will do and how we will get around. The crazy thing is that we have an identical car in our yard that needs a bit of work to get a RWC. The problem is that DP is trying to work full time, spend time with his girls who are here one holiday, spend time with me and our son, unpack as we have not long moved and prepare for a Garage Sale so we can get rid of a heap of stuff so we can fit it into this house. All this and worry about fixing a car. He is able to do it himself, it is just a matter of getting the time to do it. I am always told I am a born worrier and worry about anything and everything. If you have a look at the last pic I have posted of my rash on the back of my neck you can see I dont respond well to stress.

My hair is falling out and my psoriasis is getting worse. The dermatitis is not getting better. My arthritis in my knee is getting worse and I think I have another infection in the tooth that I am having root canal treatment on. I am wondering what else can happen?? Can things get worse? I really wish things would turn around and we could move forward into the right direction.

On a positive note, we all went shopping last night. Left home at 4pm and home by 7pm. We did not stop at all during that time. My eldest step daughter said, "Tess, do you have to walk so fast?" That from a 9yo. I was impressed at myself. My DP commented that I was walking much faster as well. Before I fell pg last year I was always being asked to slow down. When I am out I like to get where I am going, and fast. No use dawdling. Then the last 6 months or so I have been lucky to be out of the house for an hour let alone walking all the time.

It has been my exercise while shopping to walk for an hour around the shop. I have only been doing this for the last month or so. So to have improved that much in a short time is a great reward. At this pace I will be fit and healthy again in no time.

DP and I had spoken after our son was born and decided we would try to conceive late in the year. Now that I am on WW I have decided to wait until I have lost at least half of what I need to lose to get to goal. BUT, I am actually wondering if I could be pregnant. No AF has arrived since bub was born and the breastfeeding has only dwindled the last month or so.

If I am pregnant I will continue with the pregnancy and love the baby but I feel scared that I will become obsessed with weight gain while pregnant.

Thanks for listening and thank you for having a look at my blog.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Thursday 16 June 2005 Weigh In Day!!

Today I need a few friends for support. On a not so good note I had a gain of .7kg this week. I have mixed feelings about this as I also had a loss in measurement. Lost 4cm off my waist and 7cm off my hips. That is only since last Friday night YAY!!! But having the numbers go up on the scales again is playing with my head. Before my DP went to work we had a cuddle and he said "Your belly is getting smaller" WOW I thought. I thought to myself that perhaps I have had another good loss this week. But it wasnt to be. DP lost .3kg this week, thats 1.3kg all up and he is really excited about this. I am very proud of him as he has cut back a lot in the junk food department.
Bobby Ballantyne is the person who motivated me to join WW as well. I knew if she could do it at the 238kg?? mark then I could do it at 192.7kg. So even with the gain I had this week, it still brings my loss to 6.5kg in 4 weeks. So I am looking at the total loss this week, not just the weekly weighin.
Yesterday I got my bookmark for losing 5kg YAY. There are enough spaces for me to lose 85kg for the one bookmark. I cant wait to see the new me when it is full of stars. I am going to look HOT. Well at least thats how I have decided I will look lol. Terri sent me a WW magazine as well, its an oldie, but it had some fit ball exercises and somegreat inspirational stories. I read it front to back last night. Thanks Terri!!
I have decided to make my own Blogspot site like many of you have already. I have found a pic of me when I was 145kg so I will be posting that to give me some encouragement to get back down to that size. I cant wait!!
I have had fairly long (down to my bum) hair most of my life. But last night I got my DP to cut it much shorter. It now sits just below my shoulders and I feel so much better doing it. At first I felt bad for cutting it as I have always thought it was my best feature. I have hid behind my hair most of my life. I would say things like "Its the only thing I like about myself." But now I love that I have this determination in me to get serious and lose weight. I havent felt so proud of myself in such a long time.
So, I have decided to keep eating around the 26 points a day, but not the same each day. I plan on eating lower one day, higher the next. I saw something about the Wendie Plan doing something similar. I bought some Green Tea yesterday as well so I am going to start on it, had one last night and it wasnt too bad. Better then the last one I had at least. I have been increasing my water intake as well. Almost up to 2L on top of the teas and coffees I have been having. I didnt have any point free soup last week so I might make some up. Maybe a boost of a nice cup of soup of a night might help.
It is raining at the moment so it doesnt look like I will get the washing done. I have been using washing as a part of my exercise regime. I sit on my fit ball most of the time and I am never still. Carrying my son around is helping me with the weight training lol. I am still doing laps of my house throughout the day as well. My knee has been painful for the last week, but I will get there. I am looking into hydrotherapy and even the Curves gym at the moment.
Well I have rambled enough.
Tess
edited to say: I just got back on the scales so I could take a pic for my blog. It said 185.6kg so that means it is only a 100gram gain. Today is getting better.

My Life!!!


MY LIFE!!!

Hello, my name is Tess. I am 29 years young and a proud mum to Sebastian born in Feb 05. I have a wonderful partner, Elliott and share the care of his two beautiful daughters.

My story starts when I was very young. My mother had me when she was 16 and I feel she thought I ruined her life. My Nan and Pop helped care for me for the first few years then Mum found a man. Thats where my weight started to skyrocket. I was only about 4 years old at the time. I had always been a solid little girl going by old photos. But as soon as John came onto the scene my life was no longer my own. I look back and know he treated me like his Pawn.

I wont go into details, but not only from that day did I enter onto an emotional rollercoaster ride but I turned into a submissive toy for my step father. I am the survivor of incest, mollestation and rape. Not only did John do this to me, but he encouraged his sons to do the same. His friend knew what was going on and attempted the same but I got away. My mother made this go to court and I had to lie under oath that John did not touch me. Then much later, only a few years ago I was raped by a respected man of the community and fellow volunteer.

All my life I felt betrayed by my mother for allowing this to happen to me. I never felt loved by her until later in life when I started work and was able to give her money or buy her things she wanted. I later felt used.

I reached a point when I was only 8 years old that I decided I wanted to live with my Nan and Pop. This was a turning point for me. I still endured the holidays and was subjected to the same treatment as before but at least once the holiday was over I was free, if only for a while. I loved my Nan and Pop and over time really wished they were my parents.

My Pop died when I was 13 years old and I was with my Nan in the hospital when they took us into the room to see him for the last time. It was unnerving seeing my Pop lie there and not breathing. A little piece of me died that day.
My Nan and I became closer and closer, even though we moved closer to my mother. By now my Nan knew what had gone on and why I didnt want to live with Mum and John. I found out that John put the hard word on my Nan as well.

By the time I was 13years old I weighed 120kg. I was an emotional eater. I did not eat much, but when I was feeling down or upset I would binge. The Doctors suggested that I have my jaw wired but my Nan and I refused. I started on a whole range of diet pills that the Doctor would prescribe.

When I was in year 12 my Nan needed to move to be closer to better Doctors. She was sick all of the time and no one could tell us why. In my final year of school I had to live with a dear friend of mine and leave my Nan to go and live with my Mother almost 300km away.

I began feeling depressed. My Nan was my world. I began binging. My size was increasing so fast. I was wearing a size 24 - 26. I went to the pharmacy and bought some over the counter weightloss tablets called Medislim. I started off taking them at double the prescribed amount. I also started making myself vomit after each meal. I was feeling weaker and weaker. I was so sick I couldnt go to school. My Nan came to visit and saw the state I was in. I was taken to hospital and told I was bulimic. Bulimic while a size 26??? I couldnt believe it. I promised my Nan I would stop the tablets and stop binging and purging.

School was over and within a few months Nan was diagnosed with cancer of the lung. I deferred Uni and became her full time carer. No one could tell me how long I would have Nan. Nan and I lived by ourselves and I only got a day off about once every two months when my mum and uncle would take turns at looking after my Nan for a few hours. It was such a chore to them. They would hardly visit. They would tell me it was so hard for them to see their Mum going down so fast. What the??? I was 17 years old, and looking after my 73 year old grandmother because I didnt want her to go to a nursing home yet it was too hard for them. Nan was more of a mother to me then my actual mum.

Nan died 6 years to the day and hour after my Pop. I thought my life was going to end. I thought back to the previous month while Nan was at her worst. I remembered the pain she endured. I stayed with her as much as I could. I saw her hanging on. The night before my Pop's anniversary I told my Nan I would be okay and it was okay for her to go. It was the hardest thing I had to do. I had to give my Nan permission to die. The next morning the hospital rang me to tell me she had died.

I wanted to feel close to my Mum again and began staying with her a few nights a week. This is when John stuck his claws into me again. Why was I so weak?? This continued until I was 21 years old. At my brothers birthday party something happened and I just broke down. My relationship has never been the same with my family after that point.

I decided to write a journal of all the bad things I could remember to help me heal. But it turned to a point of revenge. I sent my mother a copy, and made sure it was delivered on her wedding anniversary. She came to visit me and told me I was the product of rape. All this yet a few years earlier she found my father and dressed up like a teenager to go meet him. My Nan had told me who my dad was years earlier, and also about my mother's promiscous history.

So, here we are, 8 years after that and I have had a few periods in my life where I would speak to my mother. But for the last three years I have spoke to her once when she rang me to tell me my brother had a little boy. I couldnt get off the phone fast enough. She has tried to relay messages through my Aunt and Uncle but I dont want to know about it.

This year when I had my baby I got a SMS from my cousin asking if I would let my mother ring. I said no. In my mind she gave birth to me, but what she allowed to happen in my life does not make her my mum. My Nan was my mum.

After Sebastian was born, there were a few medical problems with his health and mine. I was weighed 10 days after he was born and I was 192.7kg. I was so shocked. Just over three weeks prior I was 167kg. I finally got discharged from hospital but was not allowed to be alone or do anything. I became depressed and my weight ballooned. I will never know just how much I weighed, but I will make it my mission never to get that way again.

I had trouble breathing, I would wake in the middle of the night gasping for breath, the pain in my joints added to my depression and I was drifting away from intimacy with my darling partner.

I was watching a current affairs program and saw Bobby Ballantyne. She was a mother of 7 and weighed 238kg before she started Weight Watchers. It was then I felt that I could lose weight as well. I wanted to be healthy so I could be an active Mum to my son. I decided that I would begin eating healthy and if I could do this 100% for 3 weeks I would join Weight Watchers. I did not want to waste the money joining if I couldnt last a week.

So on the 12 May 2005 I phoned WW and joined the At Home programme. Straight after I rang up I rang around looking for scales that would weigh up to 200kg. They did not arrive for almost 2 weeks. I got my WW pack and began on the 18 May 2005. On the 26 May 05 I weighed 189.1kg. That was at least a 3.6kg loss. It was at that moment I knew I could do this.

I am now into my fourth week and have had a 7.2kg weightloss. I am very excited and very motivated to get to my goal weight of 75kg. I weighed that when I was in year 5 or 6.
I am going to do this!!!